a conversation about cooking and dating

NikkiGiovanni

Warrior Queen
i was having a conversation (over dinner) with three women of very diverse backgrounds....the topic of conversation was about cooking for men

the woman that introduced the topic was a Black woman with Honduran background who is dating a dude for 2 months, and she was complaining that he keeps asking her to cook for him and she doesn't want to....the fact is she likes to cook, she just thinks it's "too soon"

so the other women were agreeing, and saying that if he keeps asking, then it's an expectation and they wouldn't cook for him either

one woman was an asian woman married to a white man and she said that they eat out like 95% of the time, but if any cooking is done, then she is the one to do it and she doesn't have a problem....the other woman was african american and i know she cooks, but not very often...she felt it was too soon as well...and that men should only expect that, once they are serious....

i on the other hand felt that cooking is something you do to show care for someone and said i have no problem doing that for someone i am merely dating whether i am serious or not....i told them that most caribbean men won't take a woman seriously unless she can cook, and the Honduran woman said that she doesn't care about being deemed wifey material or not...

it almost seemed that to cook for a man was to give up some sort of power....at least for the Black women....the Asian woman didn't seem phased by it, as if it was a nonfactor in her marriage...i just found it interesting
 

OverLord Strum

New member
Lollllllllll

Ahhhhhh yessssss. Interesting how domestication is now seen as a sign of weakness by too many in my opinion.

The modern confusion of roles between man & woman are to blame for this phenomenon imo.
 

LB

Peace Love n Pretty Tings
the whole "too soon" idea is interesting. Never heard anyone say its one of those things you do only when you are "serious" with someone.
Its just food to me...... but I can see for some women it may be seen as a power play of some kind.....have to think on that for a minute.
 

Poca

Registered User
After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
 

femmeayitienne

***//\\***
A guy asking me to cook for him makes me reluctant to do so.

If I'm cooking and he just so happen to come over -- that's not a problem.

If I suggest it -- that's not a problem.

If we been together for a while -- that's not a problem.
 

NikkiGiovanni

Warrior Queen
the whole "too soon" idea is interesting. Never heard anyone say its one of those things you do only when you are "serious" with someone.
Its just food to me...... but I can see for some women it may be seen as a power play of some kind.....have to think on that for a minute.
EXACTLY....these were all educated women i might add, just to show you the demographic

i didn't see the big deal, i love cooking for men, and i have had men love to cook for me....one of the reasons why i married my husband was for his cooking skills.....most of my boytoys whom i see casually have cooked for me...and they don't see it as a big deal....i don't know why women see it as such a big thing
 

Poca

Registered User
At the two months frame, I will most likely be sharing my favorite restaurants with him. And beside, who ask people to cook for them? This is something that the order must feel like doing for you. You cannot demand that someone you are dating ( for a mere two months) cooks for you.

I'm sorry that's a lack of class.
 

LB

Peace Love n Pretty Tings
So no one sees it as compliment that he enjoys what/how you cook?

If he has cooked for you in the past would it then be okay if he asks you to cook for him? You get to know one another most time over something to eat, so it wouldnt be some 10 months into a relationship before I'd think to cook for someone or hell, want them to cook for me.

To me an expectation is just that - expecting me to do something without even asking if its okay.

If he asks then I have the option to say no I dont want to cook but you are free to take me out for dinner. lol Asking is actually being rather polite I would say.

Either way, saying no to something I dont want to do doesnt make me uncomfortable.
 

NikkiGiovanni

Warrior Queen
After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
who said anything about demand?????
 

OverLord Strum

New member
At the two months frame, I will most likely be sharing my favorite restaurants with him. And beside, who ask people to cook for them? This is something that the order must feel like doing for you. You cannot demand that someone you are dating ( for a mere two months) cooks for you.

I'm sorry that's a lack of class.
Poca what in the sam hell?

2 months is too soon to cook for someone? Let alone know where the person lives?

Depending on how much you see each other in 2 months...you guys could already be at the having-sex-in-a-TimHortons-Bathroom stage!

I HAVE to ask these two questions to understand your many viewpoints...don't take any offense...have you ever been married? or close to marriage? (proposed to)
 

NikkiGiovanni

Warrior Queen
After two months and his asking for her to cook for him? After two months he will not even know my address. How often can you see someone in a two month time frame for him to be that at ease to insist on being invited over to eat?

I don't think that it's about giving up power or anything like that. 2 months is barely enough time to have a "clear" idea about the person.
so he doesn't know your address to come pick you up for a date?????

you just are going to meet him everywhere?

how do you establish a comfort level if you don't attempt to make the person feel comfortable?

i don't see nothing wrong with inviting someone over for dinner, wine, and conversation....that's how you build a connection with someone
 

Poca

Registered User
The way I read it, it wasn't as if she had already cooked for him. He was just trying to get her to cook for him. And if she did already coin for him, he shouldn't be constantly asking. That behavior is just trying to impose himself and that is not a good look.

I fail to see when all this cooking woukd gsve had time to happen in two months.
 

Poca

Registered User
Yes to both and two months is still short in my opinion.


Poca what in the sam hell?

2 months is too soon to cook for someone? Let alone know where the person lives?

Depending on how much you see each other in 2 months...you guys could already be at the having-sex-in-a-TimHortons-Bathroom stage!

I HAVE to ask these two questions to understand your many viewpoints...don't take any offense...have you ever been married? or close to marriage? (proposed to)
 

femmeayitienne

***//\\***
So no one sees it as compliment that he enjoys what/how you cook?

If he has cooked for you in the past would it then be okay if he asks you to cook for him? You get to know one another most time over something to eat, so it wouldnt be some 10 months into a relationship before I'd think to cook for someone or hell, want them to cook for me.

To me an expectation is just that - expecting me to do something without even asking if its okay.

If he asks then I have the option to say no I dont want to cook but you are free to take me out for dinner. lol Asking is actually being rather polite I would say.

Either way, saying no to something I dont want to do doesnt make me uncomfortable.
To me, cooking is a labor of love. If i'm not feeling you like that, I'm not cooking for you.

Guys have been real pushy about that with me and that was such a turn off.
 

Missmayling

Registered User
i was having a conversation (over dinner) with three women of very diverse backgrounds....the topic of conversation was about cooking for men

the woman that introduced the topic was a Black woman with Honduran background who is dating a dude for 2 months, and she was complaining that he keeps asking her to cook for him and she doesn't want to....the fact is she likes to cook, she just thinks it's "too soon"

so the other women were agreeing, and saying that if he keeps asking, then it's an expectation and they wouldn't cook for him either

one woman was an asian woman married to a white man and she said that they eat out like 95% of the time, but if any cooking is done, then she is the one to do it and she doesn't have a problem....the other woman was african american and i know she cooks, but not very often...she felt it was too soon as well...and that men should only expect that, once they are serious....

i on the other hand felt that cooking is something you do to show care for someone and said i have no problem doing that for someone i am merely dating whether i am serious or not....i told them that most caribbean men won't take a woman seriously unless she can cook, and the Honduran woman said that she doesn't care about being deemed wifey material or not...

it almost seemed that to cook for a man was to give up some sort of power....at least for the Black women....the Asian woman didn't seem phased by it, as if it was a nonfactor in her marriage...i just found it interesting
The two black women are dating men from what race and country?
 

NikkiGiovanni

Warrior Queen
To me, cooking is a labor of love. If i'm not feeling you like that, I'm not cooking for you.

Guys have been real pushy about that with me and that was such a turn off.
i've never really had a man pressure me to cook.....but i have had men offer to cook for me...

has a man ever offered to cook for you?


i will say that the women were slightly younger than me, so i don't know if that means anything....the men that cooked for me were men in their late 30s and 40s
 

Poca

Registered User
Two months is really not enough time for me to share my address and all. I don't even know how things will develop or to find out what kind of person he really is.

There are many ways we can develop our comfort level toward each other.


so he doesn't know your address to come pick you up for a date?????

you just are going to meet him everywhere?

how do you establish a comfort level if you don't attempt to make the person feel comfortable?

i don't see nothing wrong with inviting someone over for dinner, wine, and conversation....that's how you build a connection with someone
 
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