Parents

jamaicangirl

Boonoonoonoos
Would you hire a male childcare provider?

Au pair/nanny/babysitter is what I mean, not the person at the daycare center.
 

EloquenceInc

Get your passport & come !
Would you hire a male childcare provider?

Au pair/nanny/babysitter is what I mean, not the person at the daycare center.
For a male child yes...long as they below a certain age and give off no creepy vibes...

But that is if I had only boys...mixed sets = female sitter.
 

Poca

Registered User
So, only males mistreat and abuse children?

This is where I differ from the average. I don't "trust " people based on their sex, I trust them based on information I have of them added with what the little voice inside is telling me. This is the "fear" the other was referring to in the article posted by femme
 

EloquenceInc

Get your passport & come !
So, only males mistreat and abuse children?

This is where I differ from the average. I don't "trust " people based on their sex, I trust them based on information I have of them added with what the little voice inside is telling me. This is the "fear" the other was referring to in the article posted by femme
No.

I trust them based on my gut, but if i have a female child in the mix, the male ones not going to get a chance for my gut to tell me anything about them, with the only exception being if they were already a friend and volunteered, as one friend did when i was headed back to town for a day in court and he volunteered to watch my daughter, who he's known from before she was born really and was the one to go to the store and buy milk for me in the middle of thenight when my car was out of service, and take me to doctor appointment during that same period which had people mistaking him for the father even though she looks nothing like him.

I know him, he's not some stranger responding to a babysitting ad, and my gut trusts him. For a day in court not every day weekdays. In the end I left her behind because he got schedule to work, and just paid a 24 hour fee for her normal sitter.

Bt the normal place an ad and screen people I don't know? To watch both male and female child I would not bother try screen a male. Biased but I've suffered worse, they will live.
 

BacchanalDiva

Registered User
No.

I trust them based on my gut, but if i have a female child in the mix, the male ones not going to get a chance for my gut to tell me anything about them, with the only exception being if they were already a friend and volunteered, as one friend did when i was headed back to town for a day in court and he volunteered to watch my daughter, who he's known from before she was born really and was the one to go to the store and buy milk for me in the middle of thenight when my car was out of service, and take me to doctor appointment during that same period which had people mistaking him for the father even though she looks nothing like him.

I know him, he's not some stranger responding to a babysitting ad, and my gut trusts him. For a day in court not every day weekdays. In the end I left her behind because he got schedule to work, and just paid a 24 hour fee for her normal sitter.

Bt the normal place an ad and screen people I don't know? To watch both male and female child I would not bother try screen a male. Biased but I've suffered worse, they will live.
This is exactly how I feel. When I see stats on percentage of women that have been victim of some kind of sexual abuse I thank God for my mother who simply believed that a girl child had no business being out of her supervision with any male. My mom had a close friend who used to like to take me on w/ends sometimes and my mom was ok with it until one time she said she was going by some friend for the w/end and wanted to take me...my mom's question was "this friend have husband or man" when the woman answered yes my mom was like "then no..you can have her when you staying home".

To be honest though, I'm the same way even with boy children. My son had a good friend who's parent's were divorced..he lived w/ his dad. They kept asking for sleepovers..the boy was welcome to sleep over at my house but my son was not spending the night in a house with no woman in it. Eventually my husband persuaded me that I was being unreasonable (almost 2 yrs after the subject first came up)...I became friends with and got to know the dad really well over time and admit feeling a lil shame faced for what I felt initially even though he has no idea.

Anyway, I like my babysitters 16-20 and female plus I don't do babysitters often nor for more than a few hours at a time. Don't care if its logical or not.
 

Poca

Registered User
So the underlying thought is that males are perceived and assumed to be sexual predators? Adding with the other idea that it's up to females to unsure their own protection; it seems that the conclusion is that males cannot be trusted when it comes to female sexual integrity.

Some days ago a posted an article about male rape commuted by women and the idea that sex is something that can only be imposed on females is still very prevalent no matter how far from the truth it is. Generally speaking people are less cautious with their male children even if they are equally vulnerable.
 

BacchanalDiva

Registered User
So the underlying thought is that males are perceived and assumed to be sexual predators? Adding with the other idea that it's up to females to unsure their own protection; it seems that the conclusion is that males cannot be trusted when it comes to female sexual integrity.

Some days ago a posted an article about male rape commuted by women and the idea that sex is something that can only be imposed on females is still very prevalent no matter how far from the truth it is. Generally speaking people are less cautious with their male children even if they are equally vulnerable.
I wouldn't go so far as to say all that because its not fair to label all men like that. Given the stats and facts though, I prefer to err on the side of caution with mine. No, I don't think that males are any less vulnerable and I believe you should be as cautious with male children. I do believe that after a certain age, males do have some advantage. By that I mean that by the time a child is old enough to understand what sexual abuse is..I believe that a male who has always heard the talk about appropriate touching, and "don't believe anyone with threats about keeping things quiet...always tell me" etc...becomes less likely to be a victim of "quiet sexual abuse". In other words..yes they can be raped but its less likely that they will be quietly being abused by a caretaker. Female children are more vulnerable to coercion and mental games imo.
 

Poca

Registered User
Yet, researches have demonstrated that rape is widely under reported specially when the victims are males.
 

BacchanalDiva

Registered User
Yet, researches have demonstrated that rape is widely under reported specially when the victims are males.
Under reported yes. You're not getting what I'm saying. Anyone can be raped but older girls are more vulnerable to the kind of coercion and mental games that predators use to keep ongoing sexual abuse secret, than their male peers.
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
This is exactly how I feel. When I see stats on percentage of women that have been victim of some kind of sexual abuse I thank God for my mother who simply believed that a girl child had no business being out of her supervision with any male. My mom had a close friend who used to like to take me on w/ends sometimes and my mom was ok with it until one time she said she was going by some friend for the w/end and wanted to take me...my mom's question was "this friend have husband or man" when the woman answered yes my mom was like "then no..you can have her when you staying home".

To be honest though, I'm the same way even with boy children. My son had a good friend who's parent's were divorced..he lived w/ his dad. They kept asking for sleepovers..the boy was welcome to sleep over at my house but my son was not spending the night in a house with no woman in it. Eventually my husband persuaded me that I was being unreasonable (almost 2 yrs after the subject first came up)...I became friends with and got to know the dad really well over time and admit feeling a lil shame faced for what I felt initially even though he has no idea.

Anyway, I like my babysitters 16-20 and female plus I don't do babysitters often nor for more than a few hours at a time. Don't care if its logical or not.
my mother was very particular about that.. if somebody had dudes unknown to her at their home, we werent going over there
 

Poca

Registered User
I hear and understand what you are saying and I strongly disagree.

Under reported yes. You're not getting what I'm saying. Anyone can be raped but older girls are more vulnerable to the kind of coercion and mental games that predators use to keep ongoing sexual abuse secret, than their male peers.
 

ladyrastafari

Notchilous
you are allowed to disagree Poca, but this utopian ideal is not the reality.. The reality is that most people have gender biases when it comes down to the caretakers of their children... most would hire a teenage girl faster than they would a teenage boy, even if their children are boys... when you think about it , it makes sense.. you tell girls watch out for boys, cos they only want to do x, y, z, .. you admonish them about their clothing choices, or walking late at night, .. Women are told to take self defense classes, not to go out late at night.. to watch themselves and their drinks at all times etc. etc.. who are these precautions against?.. i can give you a hint.. it's NOT women.... it's men.. so people not leaving males alone with their children - male or female, unless related.. is not so far fetched is it!
 

Minxy

New member
So the underlying thought is that males are perceived and assumed to be sexual predators? Adding with the other idea that it's up to females to unsure their own protection; it seems that the conclusion is that males cannot be trusted when it comes to female sexual integrity.
its not that Poca, but u willing to take the risk with ur child? Not me, not ATTALL ATTALL :no2:
 

Poca

Registered User
I'm not asking anyone to have utopian views and values. I personally does not like the idea of automatically not trusting a male with their girls because of potential sexual abuse. I think I have said it enough that both boys and girls are vulnerable to sexual assault. And when it comes to boys it is an issue that is often never reported because there is a double negative stigma attach to it.

According to me, people should always be cautious with whom they are leaving there kids with and should remember that more often then not the trouble is a lot closer than they would ever believe.



you are allowed to disagree Poca, but this utopian ideal is not the reality.. The reality is that most people have gender biases when it comes down to the caretakers of their children... most would hire a teenage girl faster than they would a teenage boy, even if their children are boys... when you think about it , it makes sense.. you tell girls watch out for boys, cos they only want to do x, y, z, .. you admonish them about their clothing choices, or walking late at night, .. Women are told to take self defense classes, not to go out late at night.. to watch themselves and their drinks at all times etc. etc.. who are these precautions against?.. i can give you a hint.. it's NOT women.... it's men.. so people not leaving males alone with their children - male or female, unless related.. is not so far fetched is it!
 

Alpha Unit

Insurgent
Women are nartural nurturers so for me I want a female to care for my children. It's nothing to do with being a predator or any such thing. I simply believe that women are generally better at caring for children than males are. I eh wah no rookie woman mechanic diggin up in meh car needa!
 
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